literature

Distance

Deviation Actions

JadenPerhaps's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

Laughing with you in the car,
still giddy from
too much sex, with your parents in the next room;
you stop me with a simple,
"Love, will we make it?"
meaning when you go away--
it was enough to make me cry,
but I told you yes, we would make it.
"Promise?" I breathed through
my tears, and you continued to drive through the rain,
"Yes.
I'm just afraid for us,
for what might happen.
I love you,
and I don't want to let anything come between,
but I worry."
It's all you can do,
the rain slipping down the windshield in clear magnifying specks of
insignificance,
to sit and
half pray he doesn't hear you crying, half
pray he does
and he finds some way to stay--
but you've been through that, too,
and it's only for a while.
For two years, and a lot can change in two years,
but you've loved someone for four before,
and you didn't love that person even half as much as
now
so it's possible, right?

But you don't want to spend
nights falling asleep on webcam hoping
maybe, next week, or the week after
you could see him in real life
driving half a day to see him
when you should be at home sleeping crying studying waking up repeating
you don't want to
you don't want to
spend two years like that
all of the distance
a gaping hole where your heart should be, but he's far away
and the pang of missing him
is like choking on the freshest air possible

he's yours
why does all the distance
have to take him away?
Wrote just now. We're both going off to college this fall, but he's going to a city a good four or five hours away.. He wanted to go to the school I'm going to, but they don't have his major... So close, yet still so far...
© 2012 - 2024 JadenPerhaps
Comments10
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zembelle's avatar
I adore this. The structure of it begins to disintegrate toward the end - "when you should be at home sleeping crying studying waking up repeating/you don't want to/you don't want to" - but not in a bad way, it's more like stream of consciousness has taken over thought, like id has won over ego.
Oh, and I understand that feeling.