JadenPerhaps

Can I just box my feelings up and pretend they don't exist? Pry them from my fingertips, Just out of reach Understanding the way my face looks Tearstained and tracked with Harmful notes written by People who don't even know they're hurting me I can withstand the silence If only you have forgotten about me (Could you ever forget about me) I'm spending so much time reaching for the gaps between our lives Hundreds of miles or maybe even continents Or even a twenty minute drive Going out of my way to exist in the spaces between your letters Can I be the punctuation of a life you want? I think of myself as the skimmed over semicolon; or pe

“are you still in love with her?” I mean, probably. I'm aching For a wife who was never mine, Good morning kisses, tiny and soft, My hand in your hair as I drive Laundry not done and dinners together on the couch. You were my whole fucking world, Twenty times over and ten hellos and seven goodbyes Goodbye I wasn't ready I never wanted the 24- hour exhaustion of Living Without you I never wanted the tattoo on my hand to belong an unmatched set I never wanted you to wake up in another’s arms I'm happy But I'm still grieving Carrying you around like an ache I need to learn how to make room for (You're allowed to live in

Gender is a social construct Built by the pink smoking billowing from my expectant friend's gender reveal party Are you revealing their gender, Or just which box they're going to have to break out of? Are you revealing what's between an unborn child's legs For any other reason Than inlaws and friends know What colour onesie to buy, Or whether to buy dolls or toy cars? Does their Physiological sex Have anything to do with who that child will be Because the only thing you need to reveal is Will that child be healthy? How will you keep them safe and happy? Can you educate them, support them, allow them to enable themselves and Their mental

I. I know the day blue became my favourite colour. I had it inked in red on my skin, Praying through my tears that it would scar. Now I still separate out the blue things in my life to cherish Your lips tasting like separated blue m&m's and my heart Lining every red email between us unscarred I stopped loving you As soon as you loved me back. (My blood still runs blue through my veins. Do you think of me still, In the scarred shadows of your heart?) II. I'll never forget the blush dusting your cheeks as you linked pinkies with me outside the library; It wasn't quite cold, but your hands warmed mine. I held onto that warmth as time crawled

Let me         spend hours drawing my soul in stolen ink pens across The incredible gentility of your arms,     holding Onto your future Onto a future intertwined together I am drunk and the world can spin as much as it fucking wants to but you've come into my life like the stars: suddenly, a light in a darkness that snuck up like a sun descending into shadow I long to know your softness against mine I long to lie tangent to your warmth I long to discover the constellations configured inside you You have so much to you and you don't even know You don't even know Your heart has impacted mine

Overhead, the whales hum, Surrounded by clouds of shimmering fish, I have been in waters almost as cold but your fingers brush warm across my skin; And I am reaching for the contained fountains, manmade around rocks That aren't really rocks: it strikes me that You are the realest They say there are plenty of fish in the sea,,; I have found you, a treasure of the deep. Penguins mate for life. In their flightless lives, they provide warmth to each other reflected in the shimmering pebbles passed From lover to lover, like the words emerging from our lips across tongues memorising The taste of the letters. I will speak Prayers in the chill

The moment we hung up, The red seas parted and the floodgates opened I didn't know being apart from someone for five days Four and a half, really Meant sobbing at six am because I miss you Meant wearing a ring and your heart wrapped around my finger Meant flicking through the pictures of us, lip to lip, and the ache in my heart burns, stretching on into infinity (almost as far as our love) December and your arms are way too fucking far away I just need you To cling to you Every edge of my heart fits to yours and I can't stand the way it feels When I can't touch you Can't bury my hands in your hair Or melt into your arms curling around my

I feel like I can't talk to you without worrying it will be the last;;; how am I supposed to do this how am I supposed to be a good partner for you My heart cannot hold all of this ache The pieces of me breaking down to build a wall for you, To shield you, to protect you how can I protect you from yourself? how can I protect you when you're not yourself? I am tired of them taking over and destroying you I am tired of them hurting you I want to pull you into my arms, hip to hip And heart to heart And battle all your demons until you're you and I'm So fucking in love with you and it hurts More than anything I've ever done (I can't walk a

the sky when I fell in love with you Illuminates every corner of my heart:;;;,,, The clouds part for you And reveal rainbows of vibrance You look at me with the intensity of the rising sun And I am mourning our separation You're the perfect warmth, holding all the pieces of me in your arms And loving me like I'm whole